Inside His Head
by obsessedandproud
Summary: Cassidy Casablancas was too easily forgotten, in my opinion. No one remembers him, not Mac, not Veronica, not Logan. Cassidy may have been a cold blooded killer, but he was hurting. He only got more hurt when he met Woody. journal & real time later.
1. Diary Entry End of May 2004

**Disclaimer- I do not own Veronica Mars. I really wish I did because then I could write scripts and keep it on air for another couple years, Not to mention I could cast myself as the only one whom Cassidy loves but that's.. Not. Going. To happen. –Bursts into tears-**

**A/N- Here is a look into in the mind of a teen psychopath who hates everyone. His family, Woody Goodman, and Veronica Mars. himself. The chapters are short. For now their diary entries but may turn into real time chapters which will be longer in length. Enjoy :D**

Spring 2004

I feel alone. Like there is no one on earth that feels the same way I do and there's no one on earth that I can relate to. All that love in the air that people claim to feel for each other just isn't there, no matter how much I try to feel it. It started a couple years ago in little league. Before that, everything was cheerful. Everything was so bright to me back then. I had crushes on girls. I was a normal kid. The coach was cool at first, but he took an unsavory interest in me and two other players on the team that I know of. It damaged me. It scarred me. He's never been caught for it. For now, that's good. I don't want to know what my brother will say or do if he finds out. My father will never look at me the same way again. Not to mention my brother and my dad go out of their way to make me upset anyway.

Lilly Kane was found dead yesterday. No one has a clue who did it… yet. Lilly was cool. She used to come over with Logan and Duncan all the time. She and I were friends to an extent. She knew I was hurting. She stuck up for me when she thought that Dick had gone too far. Whoever smashed her head in was sick. I'm not sad that she died. I probably would be if I could feel something.

I'm numb right now. Unfeeling. I just want to feel. Feel anything. Like love or something other than numbness. I hate it. I have to pretend that I care about girls. I have to pretend to be a sex driven teenage boy that wants nothing more than girls' ass. It kills me inside because pretending is tiring. Every time I say something sexist, its like I'm ten times closer to gaining respect from my brother. Like it proves to him I'm a man or something. It's unnatural sure, but if it leads to less verbal abuse from him and dad than its worth it.

My freshman year ends on Friday. Maybe this how all Freshmen feel.

Shelley's party is this Saturday. Sean Frederich came over and told us that he has GHB. Dick is planning to give it to Madyson. Gross. He's also planning to get me laid that night. Great. I mean I really can't wait. This could make or break my ways of gaining respect from my family.


	2. Diary Entry June 4, 2004

**Disclaimer: Stop Torturing Me! D: I do not own Veronica Mars. –Runs off crying-.**

**2**

**June 5, 2004**

Hey! I DID IT! I survived my first year at Neptune High School. Sweet. So… locked in my room listening to random songs in my maggot rock collection.. just kidding. I will wait for the men in white jackets to take me away. Status of mood? I'm currently pretending to be any other teenager happy to be free of school for an entire summer. I'm also counting down the minutes until my brother tries to do something extremely stupid and then I can laugh at him. It'll probably be fake like everything else that I do. The emptiness inside annoys me.

Okay, maybe I've been overstating it, that I feel nothing for anybody. I have felt something. I have definitely felt something for at least one person for a while now. Hate, disgust, resentment, fear all toward Woody Goodman. That stupid little disgusting… words can't begin to sum up what he is. A pervert? Sure. I hate him with every ounce of my being. He changed me. He made me unable to feel love toward anyone. I can only hate those around me.

More people I despise? Dick, Dad, 99% of the girls at my school. All of them think of me as just as big of a tool as my brother. Yet, somehow, they like Dick. They think Dick is cool, "hot". * Barf *

I can't begin to tell you the looks that Madison Sinclair has given me. Bitch. How does my brother put up with her? Oh yeah. She's hot. Like really hot . . . in his opinion.

The cool thing about being quiet is that you notice and hear things about people that you probably wouldn't find out by them just telling you, like the fact that Madison throws herself at Duncan Kane. It's entertaining to watch because Duncan doesn't seem to care at all, and he has no problem in shooting her down.

The only person at my school that I don't completely hate is Logan Echolls. Some may consider that surprising considering how he acts around everyone . . . he's an asshole. So why don't I hate him? Because he's hurting. It's obvious when I talk to him. His girlfriend was murdered last week. He's a mess. I've never seen a guy so intensely in love with a girl like that. It's worse because she had dumped him the week before. He was so love with her that he drove back early from our surfing trip in Tijuana, Mexico to talk to her.

That was the day she was murdered. Dick and I knew that it was our definite duty as his friends, practically brothers, to lie about it to the police when they were confirming his alibi. I still feel guilty about it. Or rather worried that I will be caught for lying. Sorry. Only so much empathy someone like me can feel at one time.

Logan blames his constant depression on three people. Those three people are his dad, the unknown murderer, and Veronica Mars.

He thinks that it's Veronica Mars's fault that he wasn't with her at the time she died. I don't particularly like Veronica that much. Her father was fired from being the sheriff yesterday after he accused Jake Kane of murdering his daughter. Today people put Veronica through hell. They gave her dirty looks and openly whispered behind her back. Logan openly joined in. Pretty much everyone did excluding me and…. Duncan Kane. But their love story is far too mushy gushy to go into.

Plans for the rest of the weekend? Shelley Pomroy's party tomorrow. Ooh… exciting. Just kidding. Boring. Excruciatingly painfully boring. Was that too redundant? Oh well… acting normal is boring.

Last thought before I fall into a dreamless sleep? Kill. Me. Now.


End file.
